Chapter XV

PETRONIUS to VINICIUS:

"I send to thee from Antium, by a trusty slave, this letter, to which,
though thy hand is more accustomed to the sword and the javelin than the
pen, I think that thou wilt answer through the same messenger without
needless delay. I left thee on a good trail, and full of hope; hence I
trust that thou hast either satisfied thy pleasant desires in the
embraces of Lygia, or wilt satisfy them before the real wintry wind from
the summits of Soracte shall blow on the Campania. Oh, my Vinicius! may
thy preceptress be the golden goddess of Cyprus; be thou, on thy part,
the preceptor of that Lygian Aurora, who is fleeing before the sun of
love. And remember always that marble, though most precious, is nothing
of itself, and acquires real value only when the sculptor's hand turns
it into a masterpiece. Be thou such a sculptor, carissime! To love is
not sufficient; one must know how to love; one must know how to teach
love. Though the plebs, too, and even animals, experience pleasure, a
genuine man differs from them in this especially, that he makes love in
some way a noble art, and, admiring it, knows all its divine value,
makes it present in his mind, thus satisfying not his body merely, but
his soul. More than once, when I think here of the emptiness, the
uncertainty, the dreariness of life, it occurs to me that perhaps thou
hast chosen better, and that not Cćsar's court, but war and love, are
the only objects for which it is worth while to be born and to live.

"Thou wert fortunate in war, be fortunate also in love; and if thou art
curious as to what men are doing at the court of Cćsar, I will inform
thee from time to time. We are living here at Antium, and nursing our
heavenly voice; we continue to cherish the same hatred of Rome, and
think of betaking ourselves to Baić for the winter, to appear in public
at Naples, whose inhabitants, being Greeks, will appreciate us better
than that wolf brood on the banks of the Tiber. People will hasten
thither from Baić, from Pompeii, Puteoli, Cumć, and Stabia; neither
applause nor crowns will be lacking, and that will be an encouragement
for the proposed expedition to Achća.

"But the memory of the infant Augusta? Yes! we are bewailing her yet.
We are singing hymns of our own composition, so wonderful that the
sirens have been hiding from envy in Amphitrite's deepest caves. But
the dolphins would listen to us, were they not prevented by the sound of
the sea. Our suffering is not allayed yet; hence we will exhibit it to
the world in every form which sculpture can employ, and observe
carefully if we are beautiful in our suffering and if people recognize
this beauty. Oh, my dear! we shall die buffoons and comedians!

"All the Augustians are here, male and female, not counting ten thousand
servants, and five hundred she asses, in whose milk Poppća bathes. At
times even it is cheerful here. Calvia Crispinilla is growing old. It
is said that she has begged Poppća to let her take the bath immediately
after herself. Lucan slapped Nigidia on the face, because he suspected
her of relations with a gladiator. Sporus lost his wife at dice to
Senecio. Torquatus Silanus has offered me for Eunice four chestnut
horses, which this year will win the prize beyond doubt. I would not
accept! Thanks to thee, also, that thou didst not take her. As to
Torquatus Silanus, the poor man does not even suspect that he is already
more a shade than a man. His death is decided. And knowest what his
crime is? He is the great-grandson of the deified Augustus. There is
no rescue for him. Such is our world.

"As is known to thee, we have been expecting Tiridates here; meanwhile
Vologeses has written an offensive letter. Because he has conquered
Armenia, he asks that it be left to him for Tiridates; if not, he will
not yield it in any case. Pure comedy! So we have decided on war.
Corbulo will receive power such as Pompeius Magnus received in the war
with pirates. There was a moment, however, when Nero hesitated. He
seems afraid of the glory which Corbulo will win in case of victory. It
was even thought to offer the chief command to our Aulus. This was
opposed by Poppća, for whom evidently Pomponia's virtue is as salt in
the eye.

"Vatinius described to us a remarkable fight of gladiators, which is to
take place in Beneventum. See to what cobblers rise in our time, in
spite of the saying, 'Ne sutor ultra crepidam!' Vitelius is the
descendant of a cobbler; but Vatinius is the son of one! Perhaps he
drew thread himself! The actor Aliturus represented Œdipus yesterday
wonderfully. I asked him, by the way, as a Jew, if Christians and Jews
were the same. He answered that the Jews have an eternal religion, but
that Christians are a new sect risen recently in Judea; that in the time
of Tiberius the Jews crucified a certain man, whose adherents increase
daily, and that the Christians consider him as God. They refuse, it
seems, to recognize other gods, ours especially. I cannot understand
what harm it would do them to recognize these gods.

"Tigellinus shows me open enmity now. So far he is unequal to me; but
he is, superior in this, that he cares more for life, and is at the same
time a greater scoundrel, which brings him nearer Ahenobarbus. These
two will understand each other earlier or later, and then my turn will
come. I know not when it will come; but I know this, that as things are
it must come; hence let time pass. Meanwhile we must amuse ourselves.
Life of itself would not be bad were it not for Bronzebeard. Thanks to
him, a man at times is disgusted with himself. It is not correct to
consider the struggle for his favor as a kind of rivalry in a circus,--
as a kind of game, as a struggle, in which victory flatters vanity.
True, I explain it to myself in that way frequently; but still it seems
to me sometimes that I am like Chilo, and better in nothing than he.
When he ceases to be needful to thee, send him to me. I have taken a
fancy to his edifying conversation. A greeting from me to thy divine
Christian, or rather beg her in my name not to be a fish to thee.
Inform me of thy health, inform me of thy love, know how to love, teach
how to love, and farewell."

VINICIUS to PETRONIUS:

"Lygia is not found yet! Were it not for the hope that I shall find her
soon, thou wouldst not receive an answer; for when a man is disgusted
with life, he has no wish to write letters. I wanted to learn whether
Chilo was not deceiving me; and at night when he came to get the money
for Euricius, I threw on a military mantle, and unobserved followed him
and the slave whom I sent with him. When they reached the place, I
watched from a distance, hidden behind a portico pillar, and convinced
myself that Euricius was not invented. Below, a number of tens of
people were unloading stones from a spacious barge, and piling them up
on the bank. I saw Chilo approach them, and begin to talk with some old
man, who after a while fell at his feet. Others surrounded them with
shouts of admiration. Before my eyes the boy gave a purse to Euricius,
who on seizing it began to pray with upraised hands, while at his side
some second person was kneeling, evidently his son. Chilo said
something which I could not hear, and blessed the two who were kneeling,
as well as others, making in the air signs in the form of a cross, which
they honor apparently, for all bent their knees. The desire seized me
to go among them, and promise three such purses to him who would deliver
to me Lygia; but I feared to spoil Chilo's work, and after hesitating a
moment went home.

"This happened at least twelve days after thy departure. Since then
Chilo has been a number of times with me. He says that he has gained
great significance among the Christians; that if he has not found Lygia
so far, it is because the Christians in Rome are innumerable, hence all
are not acquainted with each person in their community, and cannot know
everything that is done in it. They are cautious, too, and in general
reticent. He gives assurance, however, that when he reaches the elders,
who are called presbyters, he will learn every secret. He has made the
acquaintance of a number of these already, and has begun to inquire of
them, though carefully, so as not to rouse suspicion by haste, and not
to make the work still more difficult. Though it is hard to wait,
though patience fails, I feel that he is right, and I wait.

"He learned, too, that they have places of meeting for prayer,
frequently outside the city, in empty houses and even in sandpits. There
they worship Christ, sing hymns, and have feasts. There are many such
places. Chilo supposes that Lygia goes purposely to different ones from
Pomponia, so that the latter, in case of legal proceedings or an
examination, might swear boldly that she knew nothing of Lygia's hiding-
place. It may be that the presbyters have advised caution. When Chilo
discovers those places, I will go with him; and if the gods let me see
Lygia, I swear to thee by Jupiter that she will not escape my hands this
time.

"I am thinking continually of those places of prayer. Chilo is
unwilling that I should go with him; he is afraid. But I cannot stay at
home. I should know her at once, even in disguise or if veiled. They
assemble in the night, but I should recognize her in the night even. I
should know her voice and motions anywhere. I will go myself in
disguise, and look at every person who goes in or out. I am thinking of
her always, and shall recognize her. Chilo is to come to-morrow, and we
shall go. I will take arms. Some of my slaves sent to the provinces
have returned empty-handed. But I am certain now that she is in the
city, perhaps not far away even. I myself have visited many houses
under pretext of renting them. She will fare better with me a hundred
times; where she is, whole legions of poor people dwell. Besides, I
shall spare nothing for her sake. Thou writest that I have chosen well.
I have chosen suffering and sorrow. We shall go first to those houses
which are in the city, then beyond the gates. Hope looks for something
every morning, otherwise life would be impossible. Thou sayest that one
should know how to love. I knew how to talk of love to Lygia. But now
I only yearn; I do nothing but wait for Chilo. Life to me is
unendurable in my own house. Farewell!"