[Of the inhabitants of Lilliput; their learning, laws, and customs;
the manner of educating their children. The author's way of living
in that country. His vindication of a great lady.]

Although I intend to leave the description of this empire to a
particular treatise, yet, in the mean time, I am content to gratify
the curious reader with some general ideas. As the common size of
the natives is somewhat under six inches high, so there is an exact
proportion in all other animals, as well as plants and trees: for
instance, the tallest horses and oxen are between four and five
inches in height, the sheep an inch and half, more or less: their
geese about the bigness of a sparrow, and so the several gradations
downwards till you come to the smallest, which to my sight, were
almost invisible; but nature has adapted the eyes of the
Lilliputians to all objects proper for their view: they see with
great exactness, but at no great distance. And, to show the
sharpness of their sight towards objects that are near, I have been
much pleased with observing a cook pulling a lark, which was not so
large as a common fly; and a young girl threading an invisible
needle with invisible silk. Their tallest trees are about seven
feet high: I mean some of those in the great royal park, the tops
whereof I could but just reach with my fist clenched. The other
vegetables are in the same proportion; but this I leave to the
reader's imagination.

I shall say but little at present of their learning, which, for
many ages, has flourished in all its branches among them: but
their manner of writing is very peculiar, being neither from the
left to the right, like the Europeans, nor from the right to the
left, like the Arabians, nor from up to down, like the Chinese, but
aslant, from one corner of the paper to the other, like ladies in
England.

They bury their dead with their heads directly downward, because
they hold an opinion, that in eleven thousand moons they are all to
rise again; in which period the earth (which they conceive to be
flat) will turn upside down, and by this means they shall, at their
resurrection, be found ready standing on their feet. The learned
among them confess the absurdity of this doctrine; but the practice
still continues, in compliance to the vulgar.

There are some laws and customs in this empire very peculiar; and
if they were not so directly contrary to those of my own dear
country, I should be tempted to say a little in their
justification. It is only to be wished they were as well executed.
The first I shall mention, relates to informers. All crimes
against the state, are punished here with the utmost severity; but,
if the person accused makes his innocence plainly to appear upon
his trial, the accuser is immediately put to an ignominious death;
and out of his goods or lands the innocent person is quadruply
recompensed for the loss of his time, for the danger he underwent,
for the hardship of his imprisonment, and for all the charges he
has been at in making his defence; or, if that fund be deficient,
it is largely supplied by the crown. The emperor also confers on
him some public mark of his favour, and proclamation is made of his
innocence through the whole city.

They look upon fraud as a greater crime than theft, and therefore
seldom fail to punish it with death; for they allege, that care and
vigilance, with a very common understanding, may preserve a man's
goods from thieves, but honesty has no defence against superior
cunning; and, since it is necessary that there should be a
perpetual intercourse of buying and selling, and dealing upon
credit, where fraud is permitted and connived at, or has no law to
punish it, the honest dealer is always undone, and the knave gets
the advantage. I remember, when I was once interceding with the
emperor for a criminal who had wronged his master of a great sum of
money, which he had received by order and ran away with; and
happening to tell his majesty, by way of extenuation, that it was
only a breach of trust, the emperor thought it monstrous in me to
offer as a defence the greatest aggravation of the crime; and truly
I had little to say in return, farther than the common answer, that
different nations had different customs; for, I confess, I was
heartily ashamed. {2}

Although we usually call reward and punishment the two hinges upon
which all government turns, yet I could never observe this maxim to
be put in practice by any nation except that of Lilliput. Whoever
can there bring sufficient proof, that he has strictly observed the
laws of his country for seventy-three moons, has a claim to certain
privileges, according to his quality or condition of life, with a
proportionable sum of money out of a fund appropriated for that
use: he likewise acquires the title of snilpall, or legal, which
is added to his name, but does not descend to his posterity. And
these people thought it a prodigious defect of policy among us,
when I told them that our laws were enforced only by penalties,
without any mention of reward. It is upon this account that the
image of Justice, in their courts of judicature, is formed with six
eyes, two before, as many behind, and on each side one, to signify
circumspection; with a bag of gold open in her right hand, and a
sword sheathed in her left, to show she is more disposed to reward
than to punish.

In choosing persons for all employments, they have more regard to
good morals than to great abilities; for, since government is
necessary to mankind, they believe, that the common size of human
understanding is fitted to some station or other; and that
Providence never intended to make the management of public affairs
a mystery to be comprehended only by a few persons of sublime
genius, of which there seldom are three born in an age: but they
suppose truth, justice, temperance, and the like, to be in every
man's power; the practice of which virtues, assisted by experience
and a good intention, would qualify any man for the service of his
country, except where a course of study is required. But they
thought the want of moral virtues was so far from being supplied by
superior endowments of the mind, that employments could never be
put into such dangerous hands as those of persons so qualified;
and, at least, that the mistakes committed by ignorance, in a
virtuous disposition, would never be of such fatal consequence to
the public weal, as the practices of a man, whose inclinations led
him to be corrupt, and who had great abilities to manage, to
multiply, and defend his corruptions.

In like manner, the disbelief of a Divine Providence renders a man
incapable of holding any public station; for, since kings avow
themselves to be the deputies of Providence, the Lilliputians think
nothing can be more absurd than for a prince to employ such men as
disown the authority under which he acts.

In relating these and the following laws, I would only be
understood to mean the original institutions, and not the most
scandalous corruptions, into which these people are fallen by the
degenerate nature of man. For, as to that infamous practice of
acquiring great employments by dancing on the ropes, or badges of
favour and distinction by leaping over sticks and creeping under
them, the reader is to observe, that they were first introduced by
the grandfather of the emperor now reigning, and grew to the
present height by the gradual increase of party and faction.

Ingratitude is among them a capital crime, as we read it to have
been in some other countries: for they reason thus; that whoever
makes ill returns to his benefactor, must needs be a common enemy
to the rest of mankind, from whom he has received no obligation,
and therefore such a man is not fit to live.

Their notions relating to the duties of parents and children differ
extremely from ours. For, since the conjunction of male and female
is founded upon the great law of nature, in order to propagate and
continue the species, the Lilliputians will needs have it, that men
and women are joined together, like other animals, by the motives
of concupiscence; and that their tenderness towards their young
proceeds from the like natural principle: for which reason they
will never allow that a child is under any obligation to his father
for begetting him, or to his mother for bringing him into the
world; which, considering the miseries of human life, was neither a
benefit in itself, nor intended so by his parents, whose thoughts,
in their love encounters, were otherwise employed. Upon these, and
the like reasonings, their opinion is, that parents are the last of
all others to be trusted with the education of their own children;
and therefore they have in every town public nurseries, where all
parents, except cottagers and labourers, are obliged to send their
infants of both sexes to be reared and educated, when they come to
the age of twenty moons, at which time they are supposed to have
some rudiments of docility. These schools are of several kinds,
suited to different qualities, and both sexes. They have certain
professors well skilled in preparing children for such a condition
of life as befits the rank of their parents, and their own
capacities, as well as inclinations. I shall first say something
of the male nurseries, and then of the female.

The nurseries for males of noble or eminent birth, are provided
with grave and learned professors, and their several deputies. The
clothes and food of the children are plain and simple. They are
bred up in the principles of honour, justice, courage, modesty,
clemency, religion, and love of their country; they are always
employed in some business, except in the times of eating and
sleeping, which are very short, and two hours for diversions
consisting of bodily exercises. They are dressed by men till four
years of age, and then are obliged to dress themselves, although
their quality be ever so great; and the women attendant, who are
aged proportionably to ours at fifty, perform only the most menial
offices. They are never suffered to converse with servants, but go
together in smaller or greater numbers to take their diversions,
and always in the presence of a professor, or one of his deputies;
whereby they avoid those early bad impressions of folly and vice,
to which our children are subject. Their parents are suffered to
see them only twice a year; the visit is to last but an hour; they
are allowed to kiss the child at meeting and parting; but a
professor, who always stands by on those occasions, will not suffer
them to whisper, or use any fondling expressions, or bring any
presents of toys, sweetmeats, and the like.

The pension from each family for the education and entertainment of
a child, upon failure of due payment, is levied by the emperor's
officers.

The nurseries for children of ordinary gentlemen, merchants,
traders, and handicrafts, are managed proportionably after the same
manner; only those designed for trades are put out apprentices at
eleven years old, whereas those of persons of quality continue in
their exercises till fifteen, which answers to twenty-one with us:
but the confinement is gradually lessened for the last three years.

In the female nurseries, the young girls of quality are educated
much like the males, only they are dressed by orderly servants of
their own sex; but always in the presence of a professor or deputy,
till they come to dress themselves, which is at five years old.
And if it be found that these nurses ever presume to entertain the
girls with frightful or foolish stories, or the common follies
practised by chambermaids among us, they are publicly whipped
thrice about the city, imprisoned for a year, and banished for life
to the most desolate part of the country. Thus the young ladies
are as much ashamed of being cowards and fools as the men, and
despise all personal ornaments, beyond decency and cleanliness:
neither did I perceive any difference in their education made by
their difference of sex, only that the exercises of the females
were not altogether so robust; and that some rules were given them
relating to domestic life, and a smaller compass of learning was
enjoined them: for their maxim is, that among peoples of quality,
a wife should be always a reasonable and agreeable companion,
because she cannot always be young. When the girls are twelve
years old, which among them is the marriageable age, their parents
or guardians take them home, with great expressions of gratitude to
the professors, and seldom without tears of the young lady and her
companions.

In the nurseries of females of the meaner sort, the children are
instructed in all kinds of works proper for their sex, and their
several degrees: those intended for apprentices are dismissed at
seven years old, the rest are kept to eleven.

The meaner families who have children at these nurseries, are
obliged, besides their annual pension, which is as low as possible,
to return to the steward of the nursery a small monthly share of
their gettings, to be a portion for the child; and therefore all
parents are limited in their expenses by the law. For the
Lilliputians think nothing can be more unjust, than for people, in
subservience to their own appetites, to bring children into the
world, and leave the burthen of supporting them on the public. As
to persons of quality, they give security to appropriate a certain
sum for each child, suitable to their condition; and these funds
are always managed with good husbandry and the most exact justice.

The cottagers and labourers keep their children at home, their
business being only to till and cultivate the earth, and therefore
their education is of little consequence to the public: but the
old and diseased among them, are supported by hospitals; for
begging is a trade unknown in this empire.

And here it may, perhaps, divert the curious reader, to give some
account of my domestics, and my manner of living in this country,
during a residence of nine months, and thirteen days. Having a
head mechanically turned, and being likewise forced by necessity, I
had made for myself a table and chair convenient enough, out of the
largest trees in the royal park. Two hundred sempstresses were
employed to make me shirts, and linen for my bed and table, all of
the strongest and coarsest kind they could get; which, however,
they were forced to quilt together in several folds, for the
thickest was some degrees finer than lawn. Their linen is usually
three inches wide, and three feet make a piece. The sempstresses
took my measure as I lay on the ground, one standing at my neck,
and another at my mid-leg, with a strong cord extended, that each
held by the end, while a third measured the length of the cord with
a rule of an inch long. Then they measured my right thumb, and
desired no more; for by a mathematical computation, that twice
round the thumb is once round the wrist, and so on to the neck and
the waist, and by the help of my old shirt, which I displayed on
the ground before them for a pattern, they fitted me exactly.
Three hundred tailors were employed in the same manner to make me
clothes; but they had another contrivance for taking my measure. I
kneeled down, and they raised a ladder from the ground to my neck;
upon this ladder one of them mounted, and let fall a plumb-line
from my collar to the floor, which just answered the length of my
coat: but my waist and arms I measured myself. When my clothes
were finished, which was done in my house (for the largest of
theirs would not have been able to hold them), they looked like the
patch-work made by the ladies in England, only that mine were all
of a colour.

I had three hundred cooks to dress my victuals, in little
convenient huts built about my house, where they and their families
lived, and prepared me two dishes a-piece. I took up twenty
waiters in my hand, and placed them on the table: a hundred more
attended below on the ground, some with dishes of meat, and some
with barrels of wine and other liquors slung on their shoulders;
all which the waiters above drew up, as I wanted, in a very
ingenious manner, by certain cords, as we draw the bucket up a well
in Europe. A dish of their meat was a good mouthful, and a barrel
of their liquor a reasonable draught. Their mutton yields to ours,
but their beef is excellent. I have had a sirloin so large, that I
have been forced to make three bites of it; but this is rare. My
servants were astonished to see me eat it, bones and all, as in our
country we do the leg of a lark. Their geese and turkeys I usually
ate at a mouthful, and I confess they far exceed ours. Of their
smaller fowl I could take up twenty or thirty at the end of my
knife.

One day his imperial majesty, being informed of my way of living,
desired "that himself and his royal consort, with the young princes
of the blood of both sexes, might have the happiness," as he was
pleased to call it, "of dining with me." They came accordingly,
and I placed them in chairs of state, upon my table, just over
against me, with their guards about them. Flimnap, the lord high
treasurer, attended there likewise with his white staff; and I
observed he often looked on me with a sour countenance, which I
would not seem to regard, but ate more than usual, in honour to my
dear country, as well as to fill the court with admiration. I have
some private reasons to believe, that this visit from his majesty
gave Flimnap an opportunity of doing me ill offices to his master.
That minister had always been my secret enemy, though he outwardly
caressed me more than was usual to the moroseness of his nature.
He represented to the emperor "the low condition of his treasury;
that he was forced to take up money at a great discount; that
exchequer bills would not circulate under nine per cent. below par;
that I had cost his majesty above a million and a half of sprugs"
(their greatest gold coin, about the bigness of a spangle) "and,
upon the whole, that it would be advisable in the emperor to take
the first fair occasion of dismissing me."

I am here obliged to vindicate the reputation of an excellent lady,
who was an innocent sufferer upon my account. The treasurer took a
fancy to be jealous of his wife, from the malice of some evil
tongues, who informed him that her grace had taken a violent
affection for my person; and the court scandal ran for some time,
that she once came privately to my lodging. This I solemnly
declare to be a most infamous falsehood, without any grounds,
further than that her grace was pleased to treat me with all
innocent marks of freedom and friendship. I own she came often to
my house, but always publicly, nor ever without three more in the
coach, who were usually her sister and young daughter, and some
particular acquaintance; but this was common to many other ladies
of the court. And I still appeal to my servants round, whether
they at any time saw a coach at my door, without knowing what
persons were in it. On those occasions, when a servant had given
me notice, my custom was to go immediately to the door, and, after
paying my respects, to take up the coach and two horses very
carefully in my hands (for, if there were six horses, the
postillion always unharnessed four,) and place them on a table,
where I had fixed a movable rim quite round, of five inches high,
to prevent accidents. And I have often had four coaches and horses
at once on my table, full of company, while I sat in my chair,
leaning my face towards them; and when I was engaged with one set,
the coachmen would gently drive the others round my table. I have
passed many an afternoon very agreeably in these conversations.
But I defy the treasurer, or his two informers (I will name them,
and let them make the best of it) Clustril and Drunlo, to prove
that any person ever came to me incognito, except the secretary
Reldresal, who was sent by express command of his imperial majesty,
as I have before related. I should not have dwelt so long upon
this particular, if it had not been a point wherein the reputation
of a great lady is so nearly concerned, to say nothing of my own;
though I then had the honour to be a nardac, which the treasurer
himself is not; for all the world knows, that he is only a
glumglum, a title inferior by one degree, as that of a marquis is
to a duke in England; yet I allow he preceded me in right of his
post. These false informations, which I afterwards came to the
knowledge of by an accident not proper to mention, made the
treasurer show his lady for some time an ill countenance, and me a
worse; and although he was at last undeceived and reconciled to
her, yet I lost all credit with him, and found my interest decline
very fast with the emperor himself, who was, indeed, too much
governed by that favourite.